As a woman who struggled with her sexuality all her life until very recently (in terms of figuring it out, I’m still struggling because of homophobia lol), I just want questioning women to know that if you’ve been pondering on it for a long, long, long ass time, and it causes you genuine pain and distress when you tell yourself “I’m not bi/a lesbian”, I’m pretty sure you’re not straight.
A huge part of homophobic manipulation against gay women, is to convince them that their love for women is lesser than their love for men (even when we don’t genuinely have it in the case of lesbians), it’s to find every possible way as to why this or that discounts what is obvious attraction to other women.
If you feel within yourself the words “I want to be bi” or “I want to be a lesbian”; I’m pretty sure you are.
How many straight women do you know that hold enough respect for gay women’s identities that they’re willing to suffer in confusion and loneliness for years?
Which straight woman would want to be bi/a lesbian THAT badly that it causes her genuine pain to think she’s not really one? It’s not like being gay grants us any benefits that straight women would DIE for. Literally the only thing in it for any woman is the opportunity to be with women, so if you’re in pain for thinking you’re straight, you’re in pain because you think you’ll never be able to love and be with other women.
Out bi and lesbian women who’re usually sure of their identities and who live their lives as gay women do also question whether they’re “faking” it or not, and it causes us tremendous distress to feel that maybe we’re fakes! Which is clearly something you share with us.
Those aren’t straight feelings. Stop picking yourself apart so much. The only requirement to be a gay woman is to want to be with women.
Welcome home, my loves.
Out of all my posts that could’ve ended up being reblogged by TERFs…
Anyway, REGARDLESS of your gender assignment at birth, this goes for you. If you’re a trans woman, or you’re thinking you may be a trans woman. Everything I said above applies to you too.
Some girls realize that they’re girls when they realize that the way they love girls is not how men do it, and that is a beautiful, amazing thing.
Some girls have already realized and accepted that they are girls, but comp het is 100% inflicted upon trans women too. Being bi or a lesbian already makes cis women feel like Not Real Women, so it can be so hard for trans women to realize that they may not be straight, when society teaches us that, in its terms, being a woman is intrinsically tied to being exclusively attracted to men and any deviation from that puts you in, at best, a gray area.
If you’re seeing yourself in lesbian/bi women’s literature much more than you ever would in straight or bi men’s, that means something. If you project yourself on gay women characters, it means something.
If you feel heartbroken thinking that you want to be with women in the way women are with other women, but that you can’t be, that’s a sign that you actually CAN be and ARE.
None of these feelings are the feelings of a straight woman OR of a man of any sexuality. Thing like these are women’s experiences; trans lesbian/bi women’s experiences.
This is also your home in spite of what some monsters have to say about it, and the rest of us welcome and love you too.