This might not fit in an ask, but this is about the poly question. It's really easy to get scared that you might really be faking the love between the people, or that you tricked yourself. For me, it took a couple months for things to "even out" in terms of affection between two people or how much time you spend with them. At first you really just think that it would be easier without the choice. Then you end up in an interesting relationship. Sorry, just ask if you need to know more!
it’s fine!! very insightful thank you